In the interest of getting to know who I am, I’m sharing stories from my life. I call them Preliminary Files and I hope you enjoy them.

I had recurring nightmares.

Every night, the minute I slipped across the veil, the terror began. Something outside my bedroom window began to screech its talons across the glass. I’m not sure if I was more afraid of the monster or the menacing noises it was wreaking, but it was obviously trying to get in and obviously bent on my destruction.

Each night, the second I heard the beast attempting to gain entry, I’d forge the strongest defense known to boy-kind; I’d pull my covers up over my head.

I’d lay there trembling and listen hard to get a bead on the monster’s whereabouts. If I heard no boards crack or glass break, I’d know I was going to live, but I never stopped quaking in fear.

Night after night it came back to kill me, never quite able to get past the walls or windows. And every night I would shake in horror the entire length of its attempts.

One night though, I felt something different. I felt annoyed. I felt 50% terrified and 50% annoyed. I was annoyed because I really didn’t know what was making all the racket. Sure, it was a monster, but what kind? What did it look like? How big was it? These questions began to gnaw at me.

I summoned all my courage and pulled my blankets off instead of over my head. I spun up out of bed and marched over to the window. The screeching was almost unbearable, but I reached up and pulled the curtain aside.

First I noticed no monster at the window. Then I saw the Jeep. A cartoon army Jeep pulled up along the curb directly in front of the house. The Jeep was occupied by four six-foot tall cartoon geese. They were decked out in military uniforms and the second the vehicle stopped they came marching up the front walk in perfect unison.

They knocked on the front door and let themselves in. They were funny-looking caricatures of geese with long straight necks, exaggerated beaks, and black beady eyes.

They came to take me away.

(My Lesson: The stuff in your mind is way scarier than what’s really out there. And; if you’re brave enough, you might just get a good chuckle.)


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